My Obsession......

So I have this some-what-weird thing for the name James......idk why exactly but I just think it's like a manliest name.  I always told my friends that the moment I meet and attractive male names James, I'm going to pounce haha.  Well, that moment is now! I'm just starting college and I've spotted my James =P

=)

So I think it has officially hit me that, shit, I'm starting the next chapter in my life.  Today high school starts for my lil bro and I'm for once not going nor am I in college yet.  I have 27 days until I start.  I better enjoy it while I can.  My book is comming along pretty well right now.  I've got a good solid 28 pages an my story isn't nearly half way finished.  Well, TOAST to my next chapter in life!

Idea!!

So I always thought I should, and I've decided. I'm going to write a romance novel. Wish me luck!! =)

Pics of me & Family in Florida!

Bros & I

Mitchell  &  William

  Me in the car!

Family @ Sincletons Seafood Shack

William in the car.... Bros on the beach

           My 1st Tat! 

Jet Lag for William!      Angry mama!

Florida!

So like I promised, here's some pics I took from my first trip seeing the ocean!!

My Hotel

 Jelly fish on beach in the dark!

Sonic with a palm tree!

Florida baby!

So today begins my journey to Jacksonville, Fl.  I've never been on a plane, seen the ocean, and in this case I've never been in a huricane.  But I will for sure make sure I keep my blog updated with pics of my trip! Hopefully I don't have crappy weather.  Wish me luck!!

NO SENSE

I just can't seem to wrap my head around the thought that I've never had a actual, legit boyfriend. I've had one guy I've called my boyfriend but it lasted one week and we never did anything so I don't feel like he counts. I'm 18 years old, a HS graduate, and heading to college in October and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm starting to think guys aren't even interested in me.  I'm not gay, I don't think I send off a gay vibe. But I just don't know.  Maybe they are just too scared to go out with a fat chick. WTF! Oh yeah and I've never been kissed or kissed anyone beside my parents.  I feel like something's wrong with me but my friends ALWAYS say that guys just don't know how amazing I am. 

They always tell me that I'm prettier than them and I'll make the best wife yet they all have had boyfriends. My head is so puzzled that I'm going crazy.  I feel like I've spent the past 18 yrs. perfecting that "perfect girfriend" image that now I feel like I'm nothing like those girls.  I'm just one of the guys.  I grew up all around boys, I had two twin girl cousins my age when I was little until my uncle got a divorce and I would up with all guy cousins again. Guys are just easier and more fun to hangout with.  I can't help that. This makes NO SENSE.

To the freaks that are going to read my blog..........assholes =)

Life....

It's moments like this that I love to just sit back and smile, feel just great! Just knowing that you've alive is sometimes enough to make someone happy.  Everytime I feel like this I love to listen in "Feeling Good" by Michael Bublé.  He just has a voice that can make me happy as a dog hunting.  But you know the one person who can ruin any happy moment I feel, that would be my father.  The sad thing is he's so clueless that he doesn't even know he's doing it. He always take my happy moments and make then negative in any way possible. He's a dick. I'm not even going to mention the issues going on between my parents. I can't wait to leave for college and get away for a while.  But I've learned to cope with the situation and build a bridge and get over it.  I try not to let him keep me down in the dumps for long.  Fuck it!

Hope

I feel like signing up for match.com has given me a little bit of hope into my life.  If you're thinking, Oh! Did she find someone?, no i haven't and I don't want to jinx it. But maybe the fortune teller lady gave me a warning into the right path and I have a good feeling in my heart and gut that it could turn out to be a good turn out. I guess only time can tell, I'm not going to rush things this time.

Am I desprate?? No, I'm just lonely.

My friends always joked around saying that they'd put me on match.com.  Well......I finally did and instead of me feeling ashamed of it, I'm actually kinda proud.  I'm putting myself out there for once. I've spent too long not trying so for once I'm actually sticking my neck out, hopefully my head doesn't get chopped off. I'm not expecting guys to suddenly go for me but at least they might look.  I know there has to be at least one decent man out there for me. So am I desprate?? Hell no, I'm just aching to be loved by a man. I feel like I'm actually me for once. =)

One of my many poems....

The Beauty of Life

The beauty of life is hidden to many

some can't seem to find any.

But if you look real close,

and not overdose.

You can see the life tells you a secret.....

That you should live everyday like it is your last

And relax,

Most things in life are worth living for.

~Samtopia~

Is it bad to not like your Best Friend??

So I have this really good girl friend.  We did track last year and this year and we've become close buds.  But lately now since I'm going to college and she's still in high school I'm thinking a lot.  She's loyal I just can't stand her sometimes.  For example; her singing drives me crazy! It's good just annoying as fuck, then her attitude needs to be checked, her compulsive lying, flaunting her body at every guy, obsessive talk about her bf Ben talking about their sex life, and she just shows up at my house, walks in then eats my food. FUCKING SHOOT ME =P.  I do like her as a friend I just wish I didn't know all this shit about her.  Like I am seriously getting annoyed of her.  I think it's just her immaturity with my maturity just doesn't mesh well together.  What should i do??????  I'd love advice from anyone!!  Even if I try talking to her she flips out, fuck it.

Pokemon Kitten!!

Real or B.S.???? Can cupid ever fall in love??

My friends always tell me, "Stop watching so many movies about romance that way maybe romance would come into your life.  Quit comparing every guy to a Romance movie." The truth is my friends don't even know me.  Yes I am the helpless, hopeless romantic type but I don't see it their way.  I watch all those movies b/c It makes me feel like I'm in them, being a part of something.  I've had a total of 2 boyfriends in my life and both were set up by friends and both a complete failure.  So do I believe in love?? In general, yes.  Love comes in many forms like family, friends, spouse, animals.  But the sappy love at first sight stuff, I'll believe it when I see it.  I know that people have felt that way but I long for the moment when I can feel that too. I believe that the whole soulmate thing happens, just not to everyone.  My friends call me cupid b/c I'm always the one who has a parties and my friends meet my other friends and start to date.  They always thank me saying, "Sam, if you didn't have your Halloween party this year I never would have met Ben. Thank You." The only thing I can get out of that is happiness for them but also is it possible for cupid to ever fall in love?????

To be a guy for just one month....

Why does losing wieght as a woman have to be so much harder than a man. If I could be a guy for just one month I feel like I could lose two times my weight I could lose if I was a woman. I am 18 years old and I have tried way too many different ways to lose wieght. Since I was in 6th grade I've been attempting different ways to shed to punds, not working. I always start to lose 5-10 lbs then something always has to fuck it up. I feel going off to college could either make things easier or worse. I'm so desperate that lypo and a gastric bypass sound like my only way out. What to do??? I love food, but truthfully I know it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Lord give me the will power.

Where to begin???

I have 2 months to........pack for college, finalize rooming & Finacial Aid, get a job, lose wieght, and say good bye.  Going to culinary school is just one step closer to my dream of owning my own bakery one day.  Leaving my family & friends behind will be tough but not impossible. I'll be home on most of the weekends seeing I'll only be an hour away.  I feel like they'll suffer more than I will.  You see, for the past two years I've learned to do the house work, cook the meals, and act like mom.  My mother had been in and out of the hospital so seeing I'm the only other woman in the house with 3 men, I had to step forward.  Hell, my mom had missed my Graduation & Graduation party b/c she was in a clinic in Baltimore, Maryland.  Sad... I know.  It's actually a good thing that that had happened b./c it made a a stronger young woman.  Seeing this is my first post I ask whoever reads this to ask my any question and I will try my best to answer.